Why I started a Blog on Trauma Healing - My Journey and Mission

I thought the hard part was over when I escaped my abusive relationship.

I thought if I stayed strong, ignored the past, my new shiny, happy life would just fall into place because I was free.

I mean, isn’t that how it works in the movies?… Why do we always rely on movies for life lessons?

Yeah, I was wrong.

I was safe but completely overwhelmed by feelings I had buried for years. A swirl of emotions I couldn’t even name. The “happy” life I craved felt completely out of my grasp.

I had to heal.

Healing is messy, unpredictable, and utterly personal.

Why Start a Blog on Trauma Healing?

Healing after abuse is full of unexpected twists, turns and roundabouts, and I needed help navigating how to make my own path.

My emotions were a mess, I was hypervigilant, and I had no concept of self-compassion. My finances were also in tatters, the aftermath of being used as a “bank” by my abuser. There was so much to unpack.

I searched for answers, but I struggled to find trauma recovery resources that resonated with my specific experiences. Sure, there were generic bits here and there and a mountain of trauma courses from Instagram Psychologists… but nothing that quite fit.

There are some amazing first responder sites and support groups for those looking to break free from abuse. But I was now free… and I felt broken.

I wanted to work on myself, but with an understanding of why my body and brain were reacting the way it was.

Therapy helped, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted more than just an hour-long session every two weeks. I needed tools, and knowledge, and more importantly, a sense of hope.

Something that I could refer to at 2 am when I was suddenly wide awake and in panic.

I wanted to see how others had turned the trauma corner and healed themselves.

That’s why I created The Resilient Blueprint.

This site is my way of bringing together everything I’ve learned and continue to learn, to help others navigate their healing journeys when recovering from an abusive relationship.

A way of delivering resources, products, books, websites, and more that have supported me in my journey over the years. I wanted to create a survivor run platform for anyone needing access at any time of the day or night.

A healing hub that can educate and provide a little comfort and encouragement.

In this post, I’ll share:

My personal experience with abuse
The challenges I faced in finding effective healing resources
Why The Resilient Blueprint was born
My vision for the future and how I hope to help others

My Story

Breaking Free, But Not Yet Free

I left a 16-year codependent marriage, hoping to reclaim my independence. But instead of freedom, I fell into another abusive relationship. This time, one filled with physical abuse and psychological manipulation by a narcissistic addict. I realise now that at the time, I was perfect prey for the narcissist who found me. I was at my lowest point ever, and the perfect target.

When I finally gathered the strength and support to end the abuse and the relationship, I expected to feel relief. Instead, I felt utterly lost and defeated.

For the first time, I was truly alone with myself. No distractions. No one dictating my every move. Complete freedom of choice. The ability to finally put boundaries in place for myself, have personal goals and choose a life I wanted for myself… Aaaannnnd that’s when the floodgates opened.

Every feeling and emotion I couldn’t feel and process during the abusive relationship bubbled to the surface and expected me to deal with them.

Fun times.

The Unexpected Challenges of “Being Safe”

Seven months after my circus of healing commenced, an amazing partner entered my life. I wasn’t looking. He wasn’t part of the plan. He just kind of wandered in and stayed.

I felt safe and loved in a way I never had before. My career was thriving, and my friendships were blossoming. Yet, inside, I was unravelling, and I was petrified. All. The. Time.

Hypervigilance. Guilt. Negative self-talk. I couldn’t understand why I still felt so broken.

I was being overwhelmed by past events, and now I was utterly terrified about the future.

My partner didn’t need me. He simply wanted me. That was terrifying and confusing. My self-worth had always been tied to being “useful.” If he didn’t need me, then why would he stay?

I was in the world I always wanted, and yet I believed I didn’t deserve it. That sooner than later, it was going to disappear, so how could I settle in and enjoy it all when it was doomed to end?

Safe felt horrible and scary.

Therapy helped me understand that my brain was finally processing years of trauma that I had suppressed just to survive. I was being flooded with all the pent-up emotions I wasn’t able to allow myself to feel when I was in constant survival mode.

My past relationships had reinforced the belief that it wasn’t safe to relax in my life and be happy because, historically, when I relaxed, when I was happy, when I had something for me. Well, everything just went to sh*t.

My healing was going to take more than a few therapy sessions.

The Search for Trauma Recovery Resources

The Gap in Trauma Healing Information

I needed more than just validation of my experiences and needs. I needed actionable tools.

So, I started searching. Books, scientific papers, online articles. I read about neuroplasticity, the nervous system, and the long-term psychological effects of abuse and why my body and brain were reacting the way they were. But everything was scattered in various locations by different sources, from universities to psychologist influencers.

Most trauma resources I found were either too vague or too clinical. Others focused on general healing but didn’t address the specific struggles of survivors of domestic abuse. Surely, I wasn’t the only one feeling this frustration?

I found so many beautiful resources supporting those needing to exit abusive situations, domestic violence and toxic relationships. These sites reached out to those needing to find the strength to leave and assisted in initial safety. These sites, groups and organisations do an amazing job, and I am forever grateful for the support they provide those needing to find the courage to leave, get free and stay safe.

But I was past that point; that wasn’t what I was searching for.

Why I Started The Resilient Blueprint

Healing is messy, unpredictable, and utterly personal. Everyone works differently, so everyone has different things that resonate with them.

I wanted to create an accessible space where survivors could find science-backed information, personal insights, and practical tools for their own trauma recovery and healing. A place where they could understand what was happening in their mind and body, and the reason why recommendations for healing were scientifically shown to work.

The Mission Behind the Blog

To make trauma recovery resources easy to find.
- Instead of hunting through countless sources, I want survivors to have a one-stop hub for healing insights. Somewhere, these sources could continue to be added to and grow.
To combine science with real-life experience.
- Healing isn’t just about theory; it’s about understanding how trauma manifests in everyday life and what helps. It’s also about learning that as you grow and learn, different approaches to healing will resonate with you.
To provide community and support.
- Healing is easier when we don’t feel alone. I want this blog to be a place where survivors feel understood and empowered. Where they understand the resources provided are from lived experience.

A New Chapter: Turning Healing into My Life’s Work

Launching this site has been a big move and change for me. It’s been challenging to find the confidence to create this healing hub while acknowledging I am still healing myself.

The more I have grown, the more I have realised I am not living the life I want. For myself or my partner.

For the last 2 years, we have been considering several different plans for exiting the life that has defined us for so long and building the life of our dreams.

For over 20 years, I have worked in demanding commercial and then local government roles. I’ve done this full-time while juggling my research and writing.

I feel like I’ve been following a socially acceptable and expected life that doesn’t connect with me on any level. This is not my dream.

Creativity and healing are my passions, and I want to dedicate myself to them fully.

So, we are leaping to live freely. My partner and I are selling everything and moving to Bali. It’s a bold decision, but one that feels perfect and right.

I’ll be living a life that aligns with my purpose. Writing, researching, and sharing tools for healing full-time.

The Resilient Blueprint isn’t just a blog. It’s the resource I wish I had when I was lost and searching for answers. And now, I get to build it for others.

Final Thoughts: The Journey Continues

Healing is not about reaching a final destination. It’s growth, self-discovery, and learning to trust yourself again. I continue to do this every day.

I hope the Resilient Blueprint provides you with the knowledge, tools, and encouragement you need to navigate your own healing path.

Follow along, share your story, and explore The Resilient Blueprint. You can also use the “Start Here” page for some direction.

For fortnightly updates of what’s new to the Resource page and blog, you can sign up for my newsletter at the bottom of this page.

FAQs

Q: What inspired you to start this blog?

I started The Resilient Blueprint because I struggled to find trauma recovery resources that spoke to my experience of recovering from an abusive relationship. I wanted to create a space where survivors could find healing tools, not just vague general advice.

Q: How can this blog help me heal?

The blog offers a mix of personal insights, science-backed trauma recovery information, and practical self-healing techniques. Whether you need help understanding trauma responses, setting boundaries, or finding new ways to reconnect with yourself, this space is for you.

Q: What are some first steps for healing from trauma?

Acknowledge what happened and allow yourself to grieve.
Seek knowledge about trauma and its effects on the brain and body.
Start small self-care habits, like journaling or grounding exercises.
Find support, whether through therapy, online communities, or trusted loved ones.

Healing is possible, and you are capable. This is your time.