Why do lists help reduce anxiety, jouska, and stress, especially during healing from an abusive relationship? This post may include affiliate links – 10 Minute Read
I have lists everywhere. At times, I even have categorised lists. Work, life, general, to-buy, to-do. On notepads, in my journal, on my phone, laptop…
It probably looks chaotic from the outside, but there is a good reason why I have leaned into my list habit. It has been a wonderful support practice while I healed from an abusive relationship and learned to manage my anxiety.
I suffered from brain fog and the effects of chronic abuse. There had been years of constant pressure to remember everything for myself and my abuser. If something was forgotten, that was 100% on me. So, lists became my lifeline.
It was a habit I continued to grow after I became safe. I even expanded its use in my life. The more I wrote things down, the calmer I felt.
But why does making lists help my anxiety, really? And why does getting things out of my head and onto paper give such a sense of release? Not to mention how it feels when I get to cross something off!… oh baby! The dopamine!
Stay with me, because by the end of this post, you’ll understand not just the psychology, but also the nervous system magic behind lists. Â
Why Making Lists Calms an Anxious Brain
I make lists about everything. My brain has never met a list it didn’t want to create. This didn’t start because it was cute or organised. It began as survival.
During my abusive relationship, I wasn’t just managing my life. I was managing his too. If I forgot something, if I didn’t deliver fast enough, if I wasn’t three steps ahead? I paid for it.
Through ridicule, taunting, and being told I was useless and then some. My body learned that forgetting = danger.
So, I wrote it all down. Everything. Creating lists was my subconscious’s way to protect me.
There was too much going on in my head to keep my mind focused on everything that needed to be remembered. Writing down was the safest way I could do it.
Today, the relationship is long gone, the threat is gone, but the habit remains.
Why? Because now that I’m in trauma recovery, lists have become one of my most powerful tools for anxiety reduction, jouska reduction, and staying present.
Let’s look at why.
The Psychology Behind Why Lists
You’re Not Forgetful. Your Working Memory Is Overloaded
The human brain can only hold about 7 pieces of information at once.
When we exceed that, the brain moves into overload, which makes anxiety spike. This is especially true for survivors of abusive relationships whose nervous systems have lived in chronic hypervigilance.
When you externalise your thoughts onto paper, into your phone, you relieve the pressure on your memory.
Researchers call this Cognitive offloading. This is a process that reduces mental load by storing information externally.
This means the moment you write something down, your brain goes: “sweet! I can let that go for now
And that, my friends, is anxiety relief.
Lists Stop the Jouska Loop
Jouska is a looped, imagined conversation we have in our heads. It could be arguments you never had, or what you wish you had said in the past. It’s a form of repetitive inner dialogue that often gets heightened after suffering an abusive relationship.
When the brain has nowhere to put these thoughts, it repeats them to stay prepared. It’s preparing for something that will probably never happen…but our brains can’t help it.
Making lists interrupts this cycle and breaks the false dialogue.
It tells your nervous system that you don’t need to ruminate because you’ve written it down.
Studies show that expressive writing reduces these internal chatter loops and stress. Lists are simply a structured form of expressive writing, which is why they work.
If you have never journaled before, making lists might be a good way to ease yourself into the practice.
Why Getting Things Out of Your Head Feels Like a Release
Your Brain Treats Written Words as Completed Tasks
This one is really cool! Writing things down gives your brain a partial completion reward. Imagine that. You’re giving yourself mental brownie points just for writing a task down.
In psychology, this is linked to the Zeigarnik Effect, which is when uncompleted tasks create mental tension until they’re completed. So, writing them down can reduce that tension.
When you make a list, your brain no longer needs to keep thinking about the task to remember it.
No more swirling.
No more looping.
No more worrying that you’ll forget.
Lists Create a Sense of Control
For those of us recovering from an abusive relationship, unpredictability was dangerous. We lived in states of vigilance, planning for worst-case scenarios constantly.
A list provides a predictable structure.
Structure = safety.
It might be perceived as control, but it still provides our brains with a sense of relief. It doesn’t just mean you’re super organised, it’s a form of nervous system regulation.
Does Ticking Off a List Really Give You a Dopamine Hit?
Yes. Absolutely. You’re not imagining it. Super weird, but it is what it is.
Dopamine, which is our motivation and reward hormone, spikes when we complete tasks. It’s our neurotransmitters doing a little happy dance.
A study in 2019 found that dopamine increases not just when we achieve goals, but when we anticipate them.
This means:
- Writing a list gives your brain a clear goal
- Completing a task gives a dopamine reward
- Crossing it off solidifies the reward loop
Not a bad way to create a habit that can reduce anxiety, really.
This is why we (ok, me) sometimes write things we’ve already done just to cross them off.
 Zero shame here. Do it. It’s delicious.
This small hit of dopamine is incredibly useful when you’re working on anxiety reduction, stress relief, and nervous system healing.
The Emotional Side: Lists as a Healing Practice
My lists today look different now, because the meaning behind them has changed.
They are no longer a shield against someone else’s reactions.
Now I use them as:
- A mindfulness practice
- A way of grounding
- A way to plan
- A way to catch any mental spirals
- A self-reflection practice
- A way to stay aligned with my goals
Sometimes my lists are for groceries.
Sometimes they’re for journaling.
Sometimes they’re a wish list.
It doesn’t matter what I write to them about.
What matters is that they give my brain and my body a way to process what’s going on in my head.
Let's All Make Lists
When we’re healing from an abusive relationship, our brains are not being dramatic. They’re just trying to protect us.
And lists? They’re one of the simplest and effective tools we can use to quiet the mental noise when it gets loud.
It could be for reducing anxiety and rumination. It could be for the ingredients you need for that cake you want to make. List-making is far more than just for organisational stuff. Â
So keep your notebooks. Keep your apps. Keep your lists wherever you want to write them. They could be working wonders for your recovery.
I created The Resilient Blueprint as a resource hub for those healing from abusive relationships. If you want fortnightly updates on new tools, resources, and products, sign up for the newsletter below.
FAQs
Q: So… Why Does Making Lists Help My Anxiety?
Making lists helps your anxiety because it offloads mental pressure, interrupts jouska loops, reduces cognitive overload, signals safety to your impacted nervous system, and activates dopamine rewards when tasks are completed. Lists get thoughts out of your head, bring you back to the present moment, and can create a sense of calm and control that supports healing from an abusive relationship.
Q: Can making lists stop jouska or racing thoughts?
It helps a lot. Writing your thoughts down interrupts them from swirling around your brain. This gives your brain somewhere to store them so they stop repeating internally.
Q: Is it normal to rely heavily on lists after healing from an abusive relationship?
Completely. If it’s your thing, like it is mine, and it works for you, then there is nothing wrong with it. Many survivors use lists as a form of self-care, and self-compassion so they can ease their minds. It’s a healthy coping strategy.
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Nadine Brown
As a survivor of emotional and physical abuse, I know firsthand how difficult the healing journey can be. I created The Resilient Blueprint as a passion project—an accessible resource hub designed to empower others on their path to recovery. My goal is to provide survivors with the knowledge, tools, and support they need to reclaim their lives.
