These Are a Few of My Favourite Things

This is a personal post as I wanted to share what was a comfort to me, and continues to comfort me when I need to self-soothe or just simple self-care.

Like everything in this world, what suits one person does not suit another. We have personal preferences, and the way we learn what we like is through trial and error. Like the lady who sat next to me at breakfast this morning and ate toast with jam and cheese on it… I’m still processing that… to each their own.

This post is to give you an overview of what worked for me, and maybe some of the things I mention resonate with you. When you’re healing from abuse, finding tangible sources of comfort becomes more than a luxury; it’s a necessary part of rebuilding your sense of safety and self-worth.

By the end of this post, you’ll understand why comfort products aren’t frivolous purchases but essential tools for recovery, and I’ve thrown in a list of alternate options that have helped me and countless other survivors on their healing journey.

Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish: Breaking the Guilt Cycle

These are little creature comforts. In some cases, they may be sentimental or an extension of experiences from childhood that gave you comfort at the time.

I am not an advocate for buying countless products. Given we relocated to Bali with two suitcases each, there wasn’t a lot of room for “stuff,” so the things I did keep matter to me. I went many years denying myself, often simple needs, wants and comforts. I would not buy myself those shoes even though my current pair was falling apart, but I wouldn’t hesitate to hand over cash to my abusive ex in a heartbeat, or even consider I could have bought 3 pairs of replacement shoes for the amount he just spent on takeaway food.

Was this a condition of coercive control? A reaction to the way I had been raised? I would say both. But it is a pointless self-cruelty that I have worked on breaking. I do not deny myself my reasonable needs anymore. It is not being selfish. I earned my money, and I will spend it on my needs and priorities without guilt. This was a big learning curve for me, and it took time, but I did get there!

The Science Behind Comfort Products for Healing from Abuse

Before diving into specific products, it’s important to understand why comfort items are genuinely helpful tools for healing.

Research shows that personal self-care activities mediate the relationships between burnout, secondary trauma and mental health functions, demonstrating that self-care isn’t just “nice to have” it’s clinically proven to support mental health recovery.

When you’re healing from abuse, your nervous system has been in a prolonged state of hypervigilance. Self-compassion plays a significant moderating role in trauma recovery interventions, and choosing comfort products for yourself is fundamentally an act of self-compassion. You’re telling yourself that you deserve comfort, safety, and care. These personal messages directly counter the narrative of abuse.

Products That Helped Me Heal from Abuse: A Personal Journey

Weighted Blankets: The Science of Safety

Why? When I was a child, my grandmother had this heavy wool blanket that she would wrap me up in when I stayed at her house. The fact that I was so small and it was a king-sized blanket accounted for its weight. This happened if my parents were out late or if I wasn’t feeling well. I felt safe, cosy, and it calmed me down. No matter how sick I felt, this helped. Fast forward to trauma healing, and I discover “weighted blankets.” When these first came out, they were uber expensive, but they’ve since reduced in price and greater availability. The one I loved the most (I bought three over the years) is good quality and a reasonable price. The texture of this blanket also resonates with me. The feel of products matters when it comes to comforting!

Science Stuff: Studies show that weighted blankets trigger a surge of feel-good hormones, such as oxytocin, along with a decrease of cortisol (our stress hormone) and an increase of serotonin and dopamine. The pressure of a weighted blanket can signal safety and nudge your system toward rest-and-digest mode, lowering cortisol and heart rate by reproducing a “held” sensation and generally calming your nervous system.

Other Options: There are cooling blankets, heated blankets, and light blankets with different textures, feels, and materials you can explore.

Heat Bags: Soothing the Body’s Memory of Stress

Why? I feel through my stomach. All the anxiety over the years, my self-worth, guilt, shame… my gut lets me know. Stressed? Yep, I get stomach issues. I even have celiac disease, which is just a bonus. Heat bags help my stomach. The heat of the bag calms me. My nervous system calms down, and it helps me relax.

Science Stuff: Heat can increase blood flow in an area, which is why a heat bag can calm and soothe your stomach. Gentle warmth can lower sympathetic “fight-or-flight” feelings and heart rate. Because the vagus nerve helps coordinate temperature changes, comforting abdominal heat may further nudge the body toward a parasympathetic, “rest-and-digest” state.

Other Options: Heat bags are available at supermarkets and pharmacies. Since moving to Bali without a microwave, I invested in an electric heat pack. It’s more expensive but perfect for middle-of-the-night use without waiting for a microwave to ding.

Fidget Toys: Reclaiming Focus and Calm

Why? When I was sick as a child, it was the only time I was allowed in my parents’ bed. Surrounded by a mountain of pillows, I was always given Mum’s antique box of buttons. This is also the only time the buttons were allowed.

I would sort them by shiny colours, picking favourites and making little piles of plastic jewels. I remember these times as some of my safest and calmest.

I was like this with shells and rocks too. Pockets always bulging with discovered treasures.

Fidget toys replicate these same calming feelings for my adult brain. They’re not just for kids with ADHD; they work for adults, women, and trauma sufferers through stimulation, focus, and distraction.

Science Stuff: What soothed me as a child is a mix of sensory regulation and tiny reward hits. Sorting buttons gives your brain predictable, repetitive input that engages your somatosensory and visual circuits safely. This steady stimulation competes with anxiety signals, quieting the brain’s alarm system while delivering small dopamine rewards and control, which helps focus and settles the nervous system. Fidget toys mimic this behaviour and they’re also a lot easier than carrying around a box of buttons.

Other Options: Fidget toys range from jewellery options to various materials, textures, and price points. Start with cheaper ones to trial what works for you.

Lists: Organising the Chaos of Recovery

Why? When I’m overwhelmed and my brain is too busy, I write a list. I have lists about everything and a notebook just for those lists. Lists get tasks out of my head, remove the need to remember, quiet the chatter, and allow me to focus on one item at a time. Not to mention the little ball of happiness for every item I complete and cross off!

Science Stuff: Lists work because they offload your brain’s limited working memory (apparently, we can only remember 4 things at a time)

Lists lower cognitive load and quieting mental “rehearsal.” Writing tasks down closes the Zeigarnik effect tension: this is when unfinished goals tug at attention, but recording them tells the brain “it’s handled,” reducing intrusive thoughts.

When you check items off, you get small dopamine rewards and visible progress.

Other Options: From calendar apps to digital notebooks to fancy list books. I’ve got a bit of everything going on. Find what works for your needs. It could be as simple as a notepad.

Creating Your Safe Space: Products for Emotional Regulation

Noise-Cancelling Headphones: Your Portable Sanctuary

Why? These let me create my own world everywhere. As an introvert who likes quiet and travels often, headphones are essential. Sometimes it’s simply using noise-cancelling to create a quiet space and hear my own breath. This lets me create peace anywhere and manage triggers when I can’t physically escape a situation. When tired or stretched, my resilience is low, and headphones provide the respite I need.

These are available in so many varieties that you can find something that suits your preference. I have several pairs but I’ve linked my preferred headphones and headband headphones I use when travelling.

If you’re not interested in listening to music, I’ve written a whole post on the potentials of differenct coloured noise. It might help you find what you like.

Science Stuff: Noise-cancelling headphones cut the brain’s “always-on” threat feed. For relationship abuse survivors or introverts, baseline cortical arousal is already high, so unpredictable sounds keep the system pinging, raising sympathetic tone and draining working memory. Active noise cancelling lowers sensory load, so arousal drops into a comfortable zone. The quiet boosts interoception when you can hear your breath; slow breathing nudges the autonomic nervous system toward “rest-and-digest.”

Tea: The Ritual of Self-Compassion

Why? There’s something about a hot cup of tea that comforts me. A pleasure and dopamine hit, a little reward. The right tea, adding ginger or honey, the ritual of preparing and waiting, having a favourite cup. It’s self-soothing at its finest for any type of day. It’s a routine habit to look forward to, a self-care moment and a timeout.

Science Stuff: Hot tea ticks several soothing systems at once. Warmth activates your body’s “rest-and-digest” mode. Aromas go straight to limbic circuits, so familiar scents become safety cues. The taste gives small dopamine rewards. Tea’s chemistry helps too: low-dose caffeine plus L-theanine promotes “calm alertness.” The ritual creates control and signals a break, building a conditioned association: “this tea cup = safe, quiet moment.”

These are the tiny moments that can help rewire your brain.

Journaling: The Power of Expression

Why? Journaling has been one of my most helpful self-care actions for healing. Writing things down lets you figure things out. Once thoughts are out of your head, you start connecting dots and understanding how and why you feel certain ways. It can be used whenever needed or as a daily practice.

Science Stuff: Self-care is recommended as a restorative activity against trauma’s negative effects, and journaling is highly effective. Journaling turns vague, emotionally charged experiences into structured language your brain can work with. Labelling feelings recruits prefrontal control systems that dial down the amygdala (where your fear lives). It offloads working memory, reduces rumination (thought circle patterns), and builds coherent stories that integrate scattered memories. All key for trauma processing.

Why Are Comfort Products Helpful with Healing from Abuse?

Comfort products work on multiple levels when you’re healing from abuse. They provide tools that help regulate internal emotional states when your systems feel overwhelmed. When you’ve experienced prolonged abuse, your nervous system becomes dysregulated, stuck in survival mode even when safe.

These products that helped me heal from abuse work by engaging your senses predictably and controllably. The weight of a blanket, the warmth of tea, repetitive motion of fidget toys: these all provide “sensory grounding,” anchoring you in the present moment and reminding your nervous system you’re safe.

Research indicates that self-care remains fairly high and stable in the first 6 months after trauma when individuals have access to appropriate tools and support. It’s one of the reasons I needed to create this site.

Having tangible comfort items isn’t about weakness, it’s about providing yourself necessary tools during vulnerable healing periods.

Are Comfort Products a Form of Self-Care?

Absolutely. Studies show that personal self-care activities improve mental health functions, growth, and resilience, proving self-care activities (including comfort products) have measurable mental health benefits.

When healing from abuse, traditional self-care advice like “take a bath” might not feel accessible or safe. Comfort products bridge this gap by providing self-care that’s immediate, controllable, portable, and predictable, providing consistent comfort regardless of external circumstances.

Am I Selfish for Buying Things for Myself?

This is one of the most common questions I hear from survivors, and the answer is a resounding no.

I get it, I was, and occasionally am, one of those people. Second-guessing myself every time I think about purchasing something just for me.

The belief that taking care of yourself is selfish is often a lingering effect of abuse itself. Sometimes this has been reinforced by our parents in earlier years.

Abusers frequently condition victims to believe their needs don’t matter, that spending money on themselves is wasteful, that they don’t deserve comfort, and that caring for others should always come first.

Recognising these as learned beliefs rather than truths is part of your healing journey. You deserve comfort. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve tools that help you regulate emotions and feel grounded. You deserve to spend your money how you choose.

When you invest in your healing, whether through therapy, comfort products, or other self-care, you’re making a statement about your worth. You’re saying, “I matter. My healing matters. My comfort matters.”

Conclusion: Your Healing, Your Rules

Healing from abuse is deeply personal, and so is discovering what brings comfort and peace.

The products that helped me heal from abuse may not be the same ones that help you, and that’s perfectly okay.

The important thing is giving yourself permission to explore what feels good, safe, and helps you feel more connected to yourself.

You don’t need to justify your comfort items to anyone. If something helps you feel calmer, safer, or more grounded, then it serves a purpose in your healing journey.

Remember that healing isn’t linear, and neither is your relationship with comfort and self-care. Trust yourself to know what you need when you need it. Every small act of self-care, every moment of choosing comfort over deprivation, every decision to treat yourself with kindness, these are victories in your healing journey.

Your healing matters. Your comfort matters. You matter.

For more product ideas that could suit your needs, we regularly upload to the Products page of the Resilient Blueprint. The Resilient Blueprint doesn’t sell any products directly, but in some cases, affiliate links may apply at no further cost to you. All products recommended have been used or investigated personally by the Resilient Blueprint.

FAQs

Q: Why are comfort products helpful with healing?

Comfort products provide external regulation for overwhelmed nervous systems. When healing from abuse, internal regulation systems may be compromised. These products offer predictable, controllable sensory input that can calm fight-or-flight responses and signal safety through sensory grounding, co-regulation, ritual creation, and self-compassion practice.

Q: Are comfort products a form of self-care?

Yes, comfort products are absolutely self-care. Research shows personal self-care activities have measurable mental health benefits, particularly after trauma. These products provide an immediate, controllable way to practice self-compassion and emotional regulation. These are core components of effective self-care.

Q: Am I selfish for buying things for myself?

No, buying comfort products isn’t selfish. It’s necessary for healing. The belief that self-care is selfish is often a lingering abuse effect, where you were conditioned to believe your needs don’t matter. Investing in your comfort and healing is self-advocacy and self-compassion, both essential for abuse recovery.

These Are a Few of My Favourite Things

Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish: Breaking the Guilt Cycle

The Science Behind Comfort Products for Healing from Abuse