How to Create a Self-Care Box for Yourself

Self-care is an interesting topic. Depending on your age and culture, the word “self-care” may have different meanings for you or evoke different feelings.

The term “self-care” was coined in the 1950s when it was recognised that the elderly and patients who were institutionalised, who were encouraged to undertake tasks themselves, increased the person’s well-being and autonomy. In the 1960s and 1970s, self-care (or radicalised self-care as they termed it) was encouraged by the Black Panther members in the US as they recognised that without looking after their own well-being, they were unable to sustainably fight for justice without burnout.

As the years move forward, “self-care” has not created new meaning; it’s just been recognised more broadly.

Personally, I grew up in a family where self-care was close to non-existent. Scorned as excessive pleasure and laziness. These are the limited beliefs we often pick up from parents and grandparents, just as they have. Somewhat typical of many Western and Asian cultures, which focus on productivity as a definition of success. I’m aware that many European cultures have a more balanced outlook on self-care and rest… There are some things we can learn from them.

Hustle culture has been pushed incessantly over the decades, where rest is considered a pleasure to be earned, and being busy is either an avoidant excuse to look after ourselves or a badge of honour… Yeah, no one is on the sidelines with scorecards.

It doesn’t matter if you were taught this way of living by your family or not, because if you are a survivor of an abusive relationship, it is likely that you learnt that self-care wasn’t safe during that relationship. 

It could have been terms as you being lazy, or that you hadn’t done enough to earn it, or one of the most common, you were being selfish. This is an intentional control tactic most abusers use. It keeps you exhausted and depleted and them in control.

Self-care isn’t a luxury or a nice-to-have occasionally. It’s the balance we all need to be healthy. We need sleep, we need to eat, we need exercise, and we need downtime. It’s the balance of life and how we survive. This is well-being in a nutshell, and it’s nonnegotiable.

If you’re healing from an abusive relationship, being exhausted and burned out is a thing. 

Your system is on overload, dealing with the aftermath of suppressed emotions now that you’re safe. On top of that, you’re still trying to function in life. It’s common not to know where to start with self-care. This is why creating your own self-care box can be such a grounding, almost nurturing practice.

It’s an opportunity to explore ideas and work out what you like and what you don’t. It’s figuring out your needs, what you enjoy doing, maybe even your passions.

When I first approached self-care, I started with subscription boxes. I had no idea what self-care for me looked like. I also struggled with the guilt of taking time out from the daily grind and constant to-do list. I had stuck in my head I needed to earn the time…I still get stuck in that cycle at times. 

Subscription boxes can be a great start. They give you ideas and offer surprises, but they’re not always affordable long term. As I grew, I also wanted something more tailored to me. I started a personal tradition leading up to Christmas and New Year’s (times when I know I’ll be alone and want to be intentional about it), to create my own self-care boxes. I fill them with rituals, treats, comfort items, and even little happy to-do lists. Things for me that will nourish me. 

I wanted to write about how you can make your own. About how to choose what goes in it, and how to make something for yourself that you can be excited about.