Getting free from abuse was one part of my story but the financial impact was a whole different chapter. This is how I healed financially- 16 minute read
Getting free from abuse was one part of my story, but the financial impact was a whole different chapter.
I had lived most of my life without boundaries and that included in my marriage before the serious abuser entered the scene. The result was my finances being a mess. I could never say no to the whim of my partners. Their wants or needs, I paid for them. The mortgage, bills, yep, they were on me. A personal loan because a new car was wanted. Sure, I’ll sort that out, and of course, you can have a credit card under my name. The list goes on. It kept the peace, it kept things calm (for a while), and it added to my stress and financial downfall.
I had always had a good job and great income, but there was no escaping living paycheque to paycheque in the world I lived in.
Freedom was amazing, but it also meant a shambles. I was at ground zero financially. I had no knowledge of what to do with money other than how to borrow it, get credit, and spend it. No budget understanding, no investment, no insurance, no retirement planning skills. How was I going to start?
Slowly. That’s how I started. Slowly investigating opportunities. Listening to podcasts, reading blogs, books and a little bit of micro-investing to see how that went. Over time this grew, and I was able to make financial goals. Clear my debt. Go on holidays I had only dreamt about.
Escaping an abusive relationship takes extraordinary courage. Facing the aftermath takes just as much and its common for survivor of abuse to be overwhelmed by the stress of money once they are free.
Your story will be different. From use of your personal details for debt accumulation, being used like a bank or never having your own income. It’s hard to determine who and what to trust when wading through a world of information on the subject of money.
Research shows that 99% of domestic violence cases include financial abuse, according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence.
It took a few years for me to fully understand and uncover the level of financial abuse I had suffered. The task ahead of me, to find financial security and independence felt impossible.
Like every part of healing from an abusive relationship, one little step forward at a time makes a difference. A 1% improvement everyday will compound over time and make big differences.
You don’t need to be a financial expert to begin building wealth and security. Like all improvements, it comes down to learning and little habits. These can be built over time so you can create your own targets, goals and strategies that work for you.
I wanted to write this guide so you had understanding of financial abuse, include some practical strengths on how you can take control of your money and give you what I think are the top 5 resources dedicated to empowering survivors and women building financial independence. I’ve covered the categories of influencers, newsletters, websites, apps and podcasts. I will admit up front that there are some cross-overs in these recommendations purely because their creators are so good at what they do.
This is not financial advice from me. I am not a financial advisor. The target of this article is to make you curious. Give you some opportunities and options to explore and learn more about what you can do for your financial future and freedom.
Understanding Financial Abuse: Why Survivors Feel Financially Overwhelmed
Financial abuse is one of the most common yet least discussed forms of control in abusive relationships.
It’s a form of economic control and includes behaviours that control a survivor’s ability to acquire, use, and maintain financial resources, which results in financial dependence on their abusive partner.
Common Financial Abuse Tactics
Financial abuse might look like:
Complete financial control: Your abuser controlled all bank accounts, credit cards, loans, and financial decisions.
Coerced debt: Forced you to take loans or credit cards in your name for their benefit.
Income sabotage: Prevented you from working, got you fired, or monitored and used your earnings for their own needs and wants.
Financial monitoring: Tracked every cent you spent, demanded receipts for all purchases.
Identity theft: Using your personal information for fraudulent financial activities and online accounts.
Hidden assets: Kept you unaware of family finances, investments, or income.
Why Recovery Feels Impossible
When you leave an abusive relationship, like me, you may face a cascade of financial challenges:
Credit damage: Discovering debts, ruined credit scores, or accounts opened in your name without permission.
No financial literacy: Having been excluded from financial decisions, you may lack basic budgeting, saving, or investing knowledge.
Immediate survival needs: Focusing on housing, food, and safety takes priority over long-term financial planning. Looking at long term finances is not up front on your “to do” list.
Emotional overwhelm: The shame and confusion around money can be paralysing and asking for help can feel demoralising. It’s easy to feel judged.
Research indicates that financial instability is one of the greatest reasons why survivors struggle to maintain their freedom or feel compelled to return to abusive relationships. Especially if there are children involved.
With the right resources and strategies, financial stability and future empowerment is achievable. Like all forms of healing, it takes time to undo the damage and build.
First Steps Toward Financial Healing
Think of this as financial triage. You’ll be considering the most urgent issues first to stabilise your situation.
Check your credit report immediately. Each country has a different way of sourcing this report, but you can get a copy for free, you will just need to search online where to apply. Check for any accounts, loans, or debts you didn’t authorise.
You can also investigate if you can “lock” your credit report in your country. This will stop any further financial actions occurring with you knowing about it.
Secure independent banking: Open a new bank account in your own name at a different financial institution than what your abuser used, or from where your abuser knew you had account(s).
Document everything: Keep records of any fraudulent accounts, unauthorised debts, or financial abuse evidence for potential legal action. This doesn’t mean you need to take action; it’s just keeping clear records for yourself.
Create a basic budget: Even a simple list of your income versus essential expenses helps ground your financial reality and provides a starting point for planning. Keep it simple and basic to start with. No extra burdens are necessary.
A budget isn’t about restriction, going without, or not living.
A well-designed budget gives you:
- Visibility into where your money goes.
- Control over your financial decisions.
- Power to allocate resources toward your goals and values.
- Peace of mind knowing you can handle unexpected expenses.
You could start with a simple budgeting method like the 50/30/20 rule (50% needs, 30% wants, 20% savings) or the pay yourself first method, where the first “bill” you pay is your monthly deposit into your savings account.
There are thousands of aps and websites soley focused on budgeting. I’m not going to cover all your options here. The more you read, listen and investigate yourself, the more your budget and future savings habits will evolve to suit you and your needs.
For now, keep it simple. It could be jotted down in a notebook or a simple spreadsheet. Create it in a way that gives you flexibility to make changes as you need and grow.
Access survivor-specific financial resources: I have created a list of first responder resources for survivors of domestic violence in the countries that visit this site. These sites include resources for financial assistance and support. If you are in need of these services right now, please reach out. If details for your country are missing from the list please let me know and I will ensure it is updated.
Emergency Fund Development:
- Start small with $5-10 weekly contributions.
- Aim for $500-1000 initial emergency fund.
- Eventually build to 3-6 months of expenses.
- Keep funds in a separate, easily accessible savings account. Even consider a different bank to your everyday accounts.
Do You Need a Financial Background to Start?
Absolutely not. Financial literacy is a learned skill, just like cooking or driving. Many successful investors and wealthy individuals started with no financial background or education. Like everything, if you are curious you will continue to learn new ideas, tactics and strategies. It’s just a matter of working out which ones suit you. This is all you need:
Willingness to learn through reputable resources.
Patience with yourself as you develop new skills.
Consistency in small, daily financial habits.
Access to trustworthy information from experts who understand your unique challenges.
Top 5 Financial Influencers for Survivors and Women
These financial educators specifically focus on empowering women and addressing the unique challenges faced by survivors:
- Platform Focus: Financial empowering women to achieve financial independence
- Why for Survivors: Addresses systemic financial barriers women face and provides tactical advice on investing, budgeting, and negotiating
- Signature Content: Her First $100K brand focuses on helping women save their first $100,000 and build wealth without guilt
- Accessibility: Book, podcast, online courses, and active social media presence
- Platform Focus: Financial education and empowerment for women of all backgrounds
- Why for Survivors: Offers free courses and resources on budgeting, debt payoff, and investing.
- Signature Content: Comprehensive online courses covering everything from basic budgeting to advanced investing
- Accessibility: Free courses, books, podcast, and active online community
- Platform Focus: The emotional and psychological aspects of money management
- Why for Survivors: Understands the complex relationship between trauma and money, offering therapeutic approaches to financial healing
- Signature Content: Combines financial planning with mental health awareness and trauma-informed approaches
- Accessibility: Private practice, workshops, and educational content about financial therapy
- Platform Focus: Practical financial advice for women across all life stages
- Why for Survivors: Addresses real-life financial challenges with compassionate, practical solutions
- Signature Content: HerMoney podcast and website provide comprehensive financial education
- Accessibility: Podcast, books, website resources, and regular media appearances
- Platform Focus: Financial strategy and wealth building, particularly addressing issues affecting women
- Why for Survivors: Discusses complex topics like financial independence and recovery from financial setbacks
- Signature Content: “So Money” podcast features expert interviews and practical financial strategies
- Accessibility: Podcast, books, and comprehensive online resources
Top 5 Financial Newsletters for Building Wealth
- Focus: Daily financial news and personal finance tips in digestible format
- Why for Survivors: Makes complex financial topics simple and less overwhelming
- Frequency: Daily and weekly options available
- HerMoney Newsletter by Jean Chatzky
- Focus: Financial guidance specifically for women’s unique challenges and goals
- Why for Survivors: Addresses topics like financial recovery and building independence
- Frequency: Weekly
- Focus: Practical financial education and motivation for women
- Why for Survivors: Free resource with actionable tips for budgeting, investing, and wealth building
- Frequency: Bi-weekly
- Focus: Money and lifestyle content for young women starting their financial journeys
- Why for Survivors: Practical advice for those beginning to learn about money management
- Frequency: Weekly
- Focus: Debt-free living and money principles
- Why for Survivors: Emphasizes financial peace and recovery from financial hardship
- Frequency: Weekly
Top 5 Financial Websites for Financial Education
- Focus: Financial content specifically for women’s needs and goals
- Why for Survivors: Comprehensive resources covering all aspects of financial planning and recovery
- Key Features: Expert articles, calculators, and practical tools
- Focus: Free financial education for women with courses and resources
- Why for Survivors: Offers structured learning paths from basic budgeting to advanced investing
- Key Features: Free online courses, worksheets, and community support
- Focus: Personal finance guidance and comparison tools
- Why for Survivors: Unbiased reviews of financial products and educational content
- Key Features: Product comparisons, calculators, and comprehensive guides
- Focus: Financial education and investment learning
- Why for Survivors: Comprehensive dictionary of financial terms and concepts
- Key Features: Educational articles, tutorials, and financial simulators
- Focus: Professional financial planning resources and advisor services provided by women for women
- Why for Survivors: Are certified financial planners who can provide personalised guidance.
- Key Features: Understanding of women’s needs, financial planning and wealth building.
Top 5 Financial Apps for Daily Money Management
- YNAB (You Need A Budget)
- Focus: Zero-based budgeting system that gives every dollar a specific purpose
- Why for Survivors: Promotes intentional spending and helps rebuild financial control and confidence
- Key Features: Real-time sync, educational workshops, debt payoff planning
- Cost: 34-day free trial, then $14.99/month or $109/year (free year for students)
- Security: Bank-level encryption and read-only access to accounts
- Mint (by Intuit)
- Focus: Comprehensive financial tracking and budgeting
- Why for Survivors: Free platform that provides complete financial overview
- Key Features: Credit score monitoring, bill tracking, investment tracking
- Cost: Free
- Security: Multi-factor authentication and encryption
- Empower (formerly Personal Capital)
- Focus: Investment tracking and wealth management
- Why for Survivors: Free tools for tracking net worth and investments
- Key Features: Investment analysis, retirement planning, fee analyzer
- Cost: Free for basic features
- Security: Bank-level security protocols
- Focus: Simplified budgeting with spending limits
- Why for Survivors: Simple interface that prevents overspending
- Key Features: “In my pocket” spending allowance, bill tracking, subscription monitoring
- Cost: Free version available, Premium at $4.99/month
- Security: Read-only account access with encryption
- Focus: Envelope budgeting system for intentional spending
- Why for Survivors: Helps establish spending boundaries and financial discipline
- Key Features: Manual transaction entry option, debt tracking, financial goal setting
- Cost: Free version available, Premium at $8/month
- Security: Optional account syncing with bank-level security
Top 5 Financial Podcasts for Learning and Inspiration
- Financial Feminist by Tori Dunlap
- Focus: Empowering women to achieve financial independence and fight systemic barriers
- Why for Survivors: Addresses the intersection of trauma recovery, and wealth building
- Episode Highlights: Topics include salary negotiation, investing basics, and overcoming financial shame
- Frequency: Weekly episodes
- HerMoney with Jean Chatzky
- Focus: Practical financial advice for women across all life stages
- Why for Survivors: Compassionate approach to financial challenges and recovery
- Episode Highlights: Expert interviews, listener Q&A, and real-world financial strategies
- Frequency: Weekly episodes
- Focus: A community of women that is dedicated in building their knowledge and wealth through investing.
- Why for Survivors: Features a broad community and understanding of diverse pasts and hardships
- Episode Highlights: Entrepreneur stories, investment strategies, and financial psychology, support and community
- Frequency: Weekly episodes, newsletter, blog and an investing club.
- Focus: Wealth building for women with emphasis on overcoming systemic barriers
- Why for Survivors: Addresses unique challenges faced by marginalised communities
- Episode Highlights: Career advancement, investment strategies, and building generational wealth
- Frequency: Twice weekly
- Journey to Launch by Jamila Souffrant
- Focus: Achieving financial independence and early retirement
- Why for Survivors: Inspirational stories of financial transformation and independence
- Episode Highlights: Investment basics, side hustles, and financial independence strategies
- Frequency: Weekly episodes
My Thoughts
When I started writing this post I thought it would be all about what I did to get myself on my financial feet but I realised that would be pointless. I made my mistakes and learnt my lessons during the financial part of my healing and that’s how I learnt what worked for me.
So instead, it turned into a post of recommendations to see if these gurus, groups and financial institutions can inspire you to come up with your own habits, plans and goals for your financial future.
Abuse tried to steal your independence, but it can’t define your future. Every little piece of new knowledge is step towards more financial understanding, and empowerment in reclaiming and building the security your deserve.
Financial abuse tried to steal your independence, but it cannot define your future. Every small step you take toward financial literacy and empowerment is an act of reclaiming your power and building the security you deserve.
Start where you are, with what you have, and take one small step today. Your future self will thank you for your courage to begin.
I will keep adding financial resources to the pages of The Resilient Blueprint so if you want to be kept in the loop of new ideas sign up for our newsletter and you’ll get info in your inbox every fortnight.
FAQs
Q: How do I know if I experienced financial abuse?
If your partner controlled your access to money, opened accounts in your name, prevented you from working, monitored all your spending, or excluded you from financial decisions, you likely experienced financial abuse. Financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic violence cases and can have lasting impacts even after leaving the relationship.
Q: What’s the most important first step for financial recovery after abuse?
Start by checking your credit report a provider in your country, to identify any unauthorized accounts or debts. Then open independent bank accounts at a different institution than your abuser used. These steps help you understand your financial situation and begin building independence.
Q: Can I start investing if I still have debt from financial abuse?
Focus on financial stability first: build a small emergency fund ($500-1000), address any fraudulent debts with legal assistance, and establish a budget. Once stable, you can begin modest investing while continuing debt repayment.
Q: How do I choose which financial resources to trust?
Look for resources from established financial institutions, certified financial planners, or organisations with specific experience serving domestic violence survivors.
Q: What if I feel overwhelmed by all these financial options?
Start small with just one resource from each category. Focus on learning and implementing one new financial concept per month rather than trying to absorb everything at once. Progress over perfection is key to lasting change.
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Nadine Brown
As a survivor of emotional and physical abuse, I know firsthand how difficult the healing journey can be. I created The Resilient Blueprint as a passion project—an accessible resource hub designed to empower others on their path to recovery. My goal is to provide survivors with the knowledge, tools, and support they need to reclaim their lives.
